She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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