is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
