dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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