Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
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My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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