Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
