Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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