I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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