yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
