This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize