I can't breathe out the right side of my face
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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