i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
