i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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