The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
