I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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