are you so shy because you have an std?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
