Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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