I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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