Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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