How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
