Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
