This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
