Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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