I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She bit a glass in half.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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