She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
