1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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