My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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