a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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