my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize