yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
