I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
do nipples grow back?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
