Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
