i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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