mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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