Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
