I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is it penis luge time yet?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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