I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
