i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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