We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
3pm strippers are depressing
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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