and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
