I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
