woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
