Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
did i just pee glitter
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
