Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
