i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Someone came in the potted fern
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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