i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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