I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
