You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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