one two three fourrrrnication!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
