you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
