She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
