I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
