what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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