Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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