There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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