Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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