I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
