My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
