Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
