If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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