The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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