I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
40s are totally the cure
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
