what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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